Who's Your Daddy?

Tiffany sat in a plastic booth at the local burger joint and waited for her father to show up. Her real father. Tom or Vlad, whoever walked through the restaurant's doors was her real, biological, honest-to-goodness father. That was how she finally decided she wanted to find out who her daddy really was. Tiffany reasoned that it would be a lot less painful and awkward this way than having some gross, overly sentimental get together with all three of them there like some sicko remake of an old sitcom from the 1980s.

Tiffany tore the wrapper off her third cheeseburger. She loved the non-diet she was on. It was so great to eat whatever she wanted and keep on losing weight. Prom was this Saturday, graduation was in a week and then in one more week she'd be married to Rex. Life was so freaking awesome at the moment.

"Tiffany? Tiffany Schuyler? Is that really you?"

Tiffany looked up and saw Wade Peterson approaching her. Wade had graduated from Schuyler High a few years ahead of Tiffany and had always been way out of her league. Swallowing quickly, she smiled up at Wade. "Hi, Wade. Yes, it's Tiffany. How are you?"

Wade stared at her. "Wow. You look gorgeous. What happened?"

"Thanks a lot!"

"I'm sorry. Mind if I sit down?" Without waiting for Tiffany's reply, Wade slid into the seat across from her's. "That didn't come out right at all. I just mean that the last time I saw you you were kind of overweight and I think you'd just killed your mom in that car wreck. You didn't do any time for that?"

Wade might be cute but as far as being a conversationalist went, he was a total wipe-out. "It was an accident," she said coldly. "Of course I didn't do time."

"Then how about the weight? How'd you drop all that?"

"I've been dieting," Tiffany replied.

"Yeah?" Wade eyed the half-eaten burger sitting in front of Tiffany. "Well, it worked. You look good. You dating anyone?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact--" Tiffany stopped. Did she really want to tell Wade that she was getting married in a few weeks? If she did, she doubted Wade would ask her out.

"As a matter of fact what?"

"Oh, nothing. What are you doing back in town, Wade?"

"I'm home for the summer. I'm working at Kutrate Kemicals."

"Oh? What are you doing there?"

"Maintenance. You know, cleaning and getting rid of old chemicals. It sucks but the pay is good."

Hmmmm....maybe Wade could find some discarded Fat Off for her. Tiffany figured she had about three squirts left before her can was completely empty. "Wade," she began, putting one hand on top of his, "are you busy tonight?"

At that moment the restaurant door opened and a familiar figure stepped in. Tiffany gasped. So that was who her father was...

Tiffany's Two Dads

“Tiffany, you’re really looking good.” Rex gazed at his girlfriend Tiffany with newfound appreciation. He hadn’t minded when she was on the chunky side but he liked how she’d been looking lately even more. After spraying that awful Fat Off around his apartment a couple of times, Tiffany seemed to have dropped at least ten pounds, maybe even twenty.

“I know I am,” Tiffany said proudly. “I bought the dress I’m wearing to the prom and it’s a size 12. Can you believe it? I haven’t been a size 12 since junior high!”

Rex didn’t know anything about dress sizes but it was nice to see Tiffany so pumped up. “It’s that Fat Off spray, isn’t it? Cuz I know you aren’t dieting—you ate a whole tub of buttered popcorn at the movies the other night. Plus an extra large Coke.”

Tiffany shot him an annoyed look. “Since when are you monitoring what I eat? You’re as bad as my Aunt Mavis.”

Rex shuddered. “No one is as bad as your Aunt Mavis and I wasn’t monitoring. I was noticing. I think it’s great that you can eat anything you want and still lose weight. What the chemist at Schuyler Enterprises say about Fat Off?”

“I didn’t bring it to the chemist,” Tiffany replied. “I took it to my science teacher, Mr. Harrison.”

“What did you do that for? I thought we were going to cut a deal with your aunt’s company!” Rex didn’t know squat about business or cutting deals but he was bright enough to figure out that it made a lot more sense for them to go to an established business and try to sell stolen goods than to ask a high school science teacher what he thought about the weight reducing spray. What did Tiffany think they were in, an episode of Breaking Bad?

“Mr. Harrison is a chemical genius,” Tiffany said. “He analyzed Fat Off and was able to figure out how to make it immediately.”

“So what? Now he can go to a big company and sell it to them.”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

Rex noticed that Tiffany was blushing. His radar went off, the one that always told him when his meal ticket was about to be threatened. “So how old is this Mr. Harrison?”

“I don’t know…in his twenties. Why?”

“I’m in my twenties.”

“I know that Rex. So what?”

“So I’m in my twenties and you’ve got a thing for me so maybe you’ve got a thing for this science teacher dude too?”

“Don’t be silly.” Tiffany turned a deeper shade of red and Rex knew that he was right. Just great. He finally found a rich girlfriend and she was going to dump him for some science geek. No way was Rex going to let that happen.

“Listen, babe, I’ve been thinking. We should really get married soon. We know we’re nuts about each other and you’re looking so good these days—just think how you’d look in a white wedding dress. We could elope and then go to the Dells on our honeymoon.”

“I’m not eighteen yet. We can’t get married without my dad’s permission and since I’m not totally sure who my dad is, that might be a problem.”

“You have it narrowed down to Tom and that Vlad guy,” Rex argued. “Get them both to give you permission to marry me.”

“Why are you in such a rush? It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Rex drew a deep breath. “It’s just that I know I can’t live without you, Tiffany. You’re my dream girl. Living without you would be a nightmare.” Rex tried not to gag as he spoke. He really did like Tiffany but he wasn’t used to giving such sentimental speeches and they made him kind of sick to his stomach. But if it made Tiffany agree to marry him, it was worth it. Tiffany was worth a pretty penny on her own. Toss in that weight loss spray and she’d be worth gazillions. “So what do you say, Tif? Will you find out who your real dad is so we can get married?”

He’d gotten to her. Rex could tell by the way Tiffany’s eyes filled with tears. “You really want to marry me that much?”

“You bet I do.”

“OK. I’ll get my two dads together and we’ll figure out who my real dad is once and for all.”

Rex relaxed a tiny bit. The sooner he could get Tiffany to marry him, the sooner he’d have his lifetime meal ticket set in place.

Schuyler Square Day 134 Let's Start to Wrap This Thing Up

"I'm so glad that everything is back to normal again," Chelsea Van Husen told her husband Peter. She patted her very pregnant stomach and smiled up at him from her position on the couch. It felt so good to have Peter back home where he belonged. Chelsea had totally forgiven him for everything--leaving her when she was pregnant, having an affair with Mavis Schuyler, going through that long, weird period when he thought that he had been a teenaged murderer--after all, isn't that what a good wife did? Forgive?

"You are an amazing woman," Peter told her. "One in a million."

"And don't you forget it," Chelsea responded. A sharp pain made her gasp.

"What is it?"

"I don't know but I think it's time for Junior to make his appearance."

Instantly, Peter was on his feet. "I'll get the car. You call the doctor."

Chelsea picked up her cell phone, her heart pounding. Their baby was about to be born! Her heart beat even faster. At least she hoped it was their baby--suppose Peter wasn't the father? What would she do then? Was she morally obligated to tell him about her one night stand with his co-worker?

No way! Jim's dead and you're safe! Do not tell Peter anything about that horrible night of revenge sex!

Chelsea felt better. As long as the baby wasn't born with flaming red hair and black eyes--like the late Jim had and that would be nearly genetically impossible if Peter was the father--then she'd be fine. She drew a deep breath. Everything was going to be fine.

Peter reappeared in the doorway. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm ready to say hello to our son or daughter."

Peter's cell phone buzzed. "Yes? No, I can't. Not today. Chelsea's going to have the baby! I'll do it tomorrow."

"Who was that?" Chelsea asked when Peter was through.

"Work. I'm supposed to be investigating a complaint against that new chemical company on the north side of town but I'm not doing that today. You and I have more important things to take care of. Now let's go before you have our baby right here."

Chelsea nodded as another pain hit her. Their future--all three of them--was about to begin. She couldn't wait.

Schuyler Square Day 132 Vlad Likes Zombies

"I'd love a zombie."

Mavis laughed. "I know how to make a martini, Vlad. I don't have the faintest idea of how to make a zombie."

Vlad rose from the sofa smoothly and headed for the bar. "I'll make it," he announced. "I'll make you one too," he offered.

Mavis shook her head. "No, thank you. I don't believe I'd care for one."

Vlad fixed her with a wicked grin. "You never know until you try, Mavis."

Oh, dear. This man was too suave for her own good. He reminded her of a Cold War spy straight out of "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." Mavis knew that she needed to keep her senses about her but she had to admit that Vlad was quite attractive. Really, far too attractive for her late sister-in-law to have snagged. "I'll stick with my usual, thanks just the same."

Vlad shrugged as he busied himself behind the bar. "Your choice. I never force my taste on anyone else but especially not on beautiful woman. You are a beautiful woman--you know that, don't you, Mavis?"

"Of course," Mavis said.

"I like how you don't pretend to be modest. Modest women are so boring. I can tell that there's nothing boring about you."

"I've been called many things but boring isn't one of them," Mavis agreed.

Vlad returned to the sofa with his drink. He looked good sitting next to her, far better than Peter had. Peter was probably a little more handsome than Vlad but Vlad had a much stronger personality. A more masterful presence. A shiver ran down Mavis's spine. It would be nice to be involved with someone masterful. "So," Vlad began, "let's begin."

"Begin what?"

"Begin to talk about why I'm here, Mavushka."

Mavis blinked. Why was Vlad sitting in her living room in front of a blazing fire and sipping a zombie? Oh, right. Her niece, Tiffany. His maybe daughter. "I suppose you want to see Tiffany."

"That would be nice but first I'd like to hear about her. What's she like? Does she look like me?"

Mavis squinted at Vlad through slightly martini fogged eyes. Truthfully, she wasn't sure if Tiffany resembled Vlad. Tiffany with her blonde hair and full figure was a dead ringer for her mother. "Not really."

"Does she look more like Lynette's husband?"

"No..."

"Then who does she look like? The milkman?"

Vlad's temper seemed to be of the hair trigger variety. "She looks like Lynnette. Tiffany is a Schuyler, through and through."

Vlad relaxed slightly. "I'm sure her personality is more like mine. I'm sure that's she's an extremely intelligent, charming young woman."

"Well," Mavis began, "she isn't what you'd call an honor student and she really isn't all that charming around me but that might be because she's a teenager. I've never met a truly charming teenager. Why don't I have her over for dinner tomorrow and you can come too?"

Vlad's eyes darkened. "And that other man--her possible father?"

"I won't tell Tom that you'll be here. It will be our little secret."

Vlad reached out and took Mavis's hand. "Mavushka, I like the way you think," he told her. "I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

Mavis smiled back at him. It certainly seemed like the start of something...

Schuyler Square Day 129

"I don't know," Veronica told her boyfriend, Tom. "Things have been pretty calm here lately. Do you suppose it's possible that life in Schuyler Square is finally becoming more normal?"

Tom looked at her grimly. "Have you forgotten about the man who claims to be my daughter's father and who is coming back to live here?"

Ooops. Veronica had almost forgotten about Vlad. She didn't want to say anything to Tom, but questions about paternity were pretty small potatoes compared to the other acts of murder and mayhem that had been happening in Schuyler Square over the past few months. "Have you heard from Vlad again?"

Tom shook his head. "Not since that letter he sent Tiffany."

"How is Tiffany?"

"Scared. Angry. Frustrated. She's put back on all the weight she lost. Whenever she gets upset, Tiffany eats."

"Emotional eating," Veronica sympathized. "I know all about it."

"I'm thinking of taking Tiffany and moving away. We don't need this crap going on in our lives. We could move to Chicago or New York or Nome, Alaska if we want to."

"Tom, how would that solve anything? If Vlad really is Tiffany's father, that's the truth and there's not a whole lot you can do about it."

Tom glared at her. "Thanks for all your support."

"Don't get mad at me. I'm trying to help you out. All I'm saying is that you need to be realistic about the possibilty that someone else fathered Tiffany."

"That doesn't help me out," Tom informed her. "It makes me feel even worse."

This conversation was rapidly going downhill. "Let's go out to dinner," Veronica suggested. "Let's go to the Schuyler Square Country Club."

"You know I'm not a member."

"Well, neither am I but they have good food and it will be nice to get out and do something. We can talk about your options over a steak and maybe things will look a little brighter."

Reluctantly, Tom got to his feet. "I don't really feel like going out but you're probably right."

"I know I'm right. We can have a drink at the bar first," Veronica suggested. "Who knows? Maybe we'll run into someone we know there and they can join us."

"Maybe we'll really luck out and we won't see anyone we know," Tom replied.

Schuyler Square Day 96 Tiffany and Tom

"Order anything you want," Tom Hartman told Tiffany. "The lobster might be good."

"I detest lobster," Tiffany informed him. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat at Vicky's Secret, Schuyler Square's fanciest restaurant. Although the man sitting across from her, the man who claimed to be her father, seemed decent enough, it was downright awkward to be meeting him for the first time at the ripe old age of seventeen.

"Well, maybe steak then. Do you like steak?" Tom looked at Tiffany hopefully.

She shrugged. "It's all right. I think I'd rather have lasagna." She knew from past dining experiences that the lasagna at Vicky's Secret was beyond delicious. About four inches high and filled with enough cheese to clog the arteries of the entire town, one portion would blow her diet completely out of the water but Tiffany felt like she deserved a treat. She'd been so vigilant about watching calories, not giving into emotional eating and generally eating like a starving ant. Well, forget about that! If ever there had been a moment in her life when she felt an overwhelming need to give in to emotional eating, this had to be it. Meeting her dad for the first time was up there with running into her mom's car and accidentally killing her.

Tom looked relieved. "I'll have that too," he said.

Picking up her glass of Diet Coke, Tiffany studied Tom over the rim as she took a long sip. He was all right looking, she supposed, with brown hair and brown eyes. Pretty average for a man his age. Tiffany's mom had blue eyes and Tiffany had grey eyes. Weren't brown eyes supposed to be dominant? Or was it blue? Tiffany couldn't remember. She never paid too much attention during biology class. Or math. Or English.

"This must all feel pretty strange to you," Tom remarked after giving the waitress their order.

"Just a little," Tiffany agreed.

"It's going to take us a while to get to know each other but that's OK. It's not like we're in any kind of a rush." Tom seemed so uncomfortable that Tiffany felt a little sorry for him.

"How come my mom told me that you were in prison?" Tiffany asked.

"Is that what she told you?" Tom's eyes widened and he took a gulp of his scotch and soda.

Tiffany nodded. "She said you were in Joliet at the prison and that's why you never came to visit and never wrote."

Tom sighed deeply. "I don't know why Lynnette told you that, Tiffany. I also don't know why she never told me about you. Our divorce was pretty bitter and I'm guessing that she didn't want me to be part of her life after we split up. It really wasn't fair to either of us but there isn't much we can do about it now."

"I guess not," Tiffany agreed.

"But it isn't too late for the two of us to be family," Tom told her. "Is there anything you want to know about my side of the family? Any questions?"

"Just one," Tiffany said slowly.

"What's that?"

"Are you sure you're really my father?"

Schuyler Square Day 94 Vlad

"I suppose he went back to Russia," Tom replied. "He left Schuyler Square and as far as I know, no one ever heard from Vlad Sidham again."

Vlad Sidham. It didn't take much effort on Tom's part to recall the man who had been his ex-wife's lover. He remembered the tall, good-looking Russian with grey eyes, clear cut features and a sharp mind. Tom had liked Vlad--until he'd realized that Vlad was sleeping with his wife. Well, let's face it: his marriage to Lynette had been a farce almost from the words "I do."

"And he's the one you think might be Tiffany's dad?"

Tom shrugged. "I'm not one hundred percent sure on that one but even if Vlad is Tiffany's father, he's not here and I am. I want to do what I can for the girl. I feel like she's really been dealt a lousy hand in life." He shook his head. "All these years and I never knew about her."


"How could you not know?"


"Lynnette raised her in Indianapolis. I never met Tiffany and when Lynette said someone else was her dad, I believed her. Now I don't know what to believe."

Veronica looked at him with approval. "You're a good guy, Tom Hartman. Most men would prefer to keep their head in the sand."

"Like Ron Schuyler did with you and Kirk," Tom said.

"Exactly." Their eyes met in the softening evening light. "I'm glad you aren't like that, Tom."

"I suppose I'm just your basic Boy Scout. Do the right thing and all that stuff."

"That's good stuff," Veronica said. "I'm glad I've gotten to know you since I came back to Schuyler Square. You've given me hope that there are still good men out there."

"You don't need to look 'out there' for any other men," Tom informed her. "I'm right here." He leaned forward to kiss Veronica and for the first time in a long time, felt like he'd come home.

Schuyler Square Day 93 Veronica and Tom

"Were we rude to leave like that?" Veronica asked Tom. They had returned to her new apartment after leaving the seance and Veronica had poured them each a glass of wine. Now they were settled on the tiny patio off her living room. The air was heavy with humidity and fireflies lit up the sky every few minutes.

"Does it matter?" Tom asked. "I'm glad we left. I didn't like any of that crap."

"Neither did I," Veronica agreed. "Besides, Chelsea will tell me what happened after we left."

"Mindy will probably tell Kirk too," Tom added.

"They aren't seeing each other anymore," Veronica replied. "I think Mindy was a little too driven for my son."

"I can't say I blame him. That young lady reminds me of a bulldozer on steroids. Nothing is going to stand in her way."

"It is hard to understand why she's editing a paper like the Schuyler Square Tribune," Veronica agreed. "With her attitude she should be running the National Enquirer."

"She's young," Tom noted. "Give her time and she'll probably be doing just that."

"Probably," Veronica agreed. She looked at Tom over the top of her wine glass. He looked tired and a touch agitated. They hadn't had much of an opportunity to talk since he'd told her about his daughter and she wondered if Tiffany was the source of his agitation. "How are things going with you? Have you seen Tiffany yet?"

"No. We were supposed to meet for dinner but she cancelled on me at the last minute. Nerves, I suppose. It can't be easy to find out that the dad you've never met wants to take you out to eat."

Veronica shook her head. "What is it about the Schuyler family that anyone involved with them sooner or later finds that their life is a total mess?"

"Must be part of their gene pool," Tom guessed. "You're right, though. Anyone who ever dates or marries a Schuyler ends up with trouble. That's why I'm surprised that poor schnook Peter Van Husen is still keeping his head above water. Mavis Schuyler can't be easy to live with."

"So when are you going to get together with Tiffany?"

"I'm working on that. Actually, speaking of the Schuylers, Mavis suggested I go over to Schuyler Manor and see Tiffany there."

"I don't know about that," Veronica said. "I think a neutral territory might be better. Why don't you meet her at the coffee shop on the square or at a park? You could even meet her here. This would be better than having Mavis lurking in the background or her son listening at the doorway."

"You're giving them both too much credit. I have the feeling no one in the Schuyler household is all that interested in Tiffany. I have the feeling that no one in the Schuyler household is all that interested in anyone but themselves."

"True." Veronica asked the question that had been at the back of her mind ever since Tom told her about Tiffany. "Tom, it's none of my business but are you sure that you're really Tiffany's dad? You said there was a question of paternity."

"To tell you the truth, no. I'm not sure. But what can I do? The guy who might be Tiffany's dad is no longer in Schuyler Square."

"Who was he?"

"I think it had to be a guy named Vlad Sidham. He was visiting from Russia one summer and stayed with the Schuyler's. He had something to do with computers and was working at Schuyler Enterprises. My ex-wife saw him and pretty much flipped. I watched her flip and pretty much knew my marriage was over."

"Vlad Sidham," Veronica repeated. "I wonder whatever happened to him?"