"Truly, darling, in time you will see that this is all for the best." Mavis Schuyler tried to sound sincere as she comforted her son Tyler. It was difficult since she felt like bursting into song and dancing around the living room after hearing that Mindy Cooper was marrying someone other than her precious Tyler. That girl was so...average. Tyler needed to be with someone who was far, far above average in every way. Of course, it didn't thrill Mavis to know that Miss Average Mindy was marrying the all too attractive Bernard Morton but that was a small price to pay to have Tyler safely out of Mindy's clutches.
"You never liked Mindy," Tyler accused from his prone position on the couch.
"That's not true. I thought she was very industrious and could have been quite attractive if ever she found herself a decent stylist. What you need to do, Tyler, is get ride back on the horse again. Start dating immediately. If you'd like, I'll arrange for a date with that charming Violet Peck. You do know that Violet is going to inherit millions on her thirtieth birthday."
Tyler dramatically threw an arm over his eyes. "I've loathed Violet Peck ever since we were in kindergarten together and she told everyone that I wet my pants during recess. Mother, please, let me deal with this by myself. I don't need any help."
"Of course, darling," Mavis murmured. She'd give Tyler a week or two to get over Mindy and then she'd start fixing him up with some decent girls. Then once Tyler was safely attached to a respectable female, she'd focus on getting Brad to see that the barracuda he was dating was a one-way ticket to Nowheresville. Honestly, how could someone as discriminating as she happened to be have raised such thick headed sons?
"Tyler?" Claudine the Barracuda came into the living room. "Would you mind driving me to the co-op? I'm out of brown rice and Brewer's yeast."
"Where's Brad?" Mavis questioned. "Can't he drive you?"
Claudine ignored Mavis. "Then I'd like to stop and have a cup of organic tea at that coffee shop down on Center Avenue. My treat if you'll drive me."
"Why don't you walk?" Mavis asked more than a touch testily. She didn't like being ignored but she especially didn't like being ignored by that incredibly annoying, throw-back to 1972 Claudine. "I thought you didn't believe in riding in cars and ruining the ozone layer."
Finally, Claudine turned her head and gazed directly at Mavis. "It's 95 degrees out," she said. "In this kind of weather I force myself to ignore my principles."
Mavis smirked. "Shouldn't principles hold in all kinds of weather?" Oh,she had this little cookie's number and it was a big, fat zero.
Claudine went back to ignoring her. "Please, Tyler. I really don't want to walk and the sale ends today."
"Shouldn't you be heading back to your commune one of these days?" Mavis questioned. "Or doesn't it go against your principles to freeload off other people for months on end?"
"I'll drive you," Tyler said, getting to his feet heavily. "Anything to stop your bickering."
Claudine shot Mavis a triumphant look. "You really should be nicer to your sons' girlfriends," she remarked. "You never know when one of us will end up as your daughter-in-law."
Mavis waited until she heard the front door slam before reaching for her cell phone. Enough was enough. It was time for the Granola Princess to move on. Punching in a number, Mavis waited impatiently for the party on the other end to pick up.
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