The Saddest Excuse for a Bachelorette Party That I've Ever Seen

"This is the saddest excuse for a bachelorette party that I've ever seen," Sandi Cooper announced as she looked around the half-empty bar at the Schuyler Square Country Club. "Don't you have any friends?"

Mindy was stung by her sister's rude remark. "Of course I do.Tyler was my friend--until I broke up with him. Bernard is my friend--sort of."

"I hope Bernard is your friend! You're going to marry the man. Maybe..."

"Maybe? What's that supposed to mean?"

Sandi opened her eyes wide and pasted an innocent look on her face. "Well, you two aren't especially simpatico, if you know what I mean. He's sophisticated, rich, gorgeous--"

"We are perfectly simpatico," Mindy stated. "We'll have a perfectly fine marriage--provided you don't try to stick your claws into him."

"Would I do that to you? Now let's get back to your bachelorette party because so far it's a real bore. You've lived here for three years. Don't you have any girlfriends?"

"Not really."

"Well, you should! Maybe if you had some friends you wouldn't be rushing into marriage with a man you barely know."

"I know Bernard," Mindy said defensively.  "I've known him for months."

"And from everything you said about him, you thought he was a real creep."

"I've changed my mind," Mindy replied. "He isn't a creep. He's really pretty nice." She considered the word nice and decided that it didn't apply to her fiance. "I mean he's not bad."

"You should think that the man  you're marrying is more than 'not bad.' You should be head over heels in love with him."

"Look who I found!" Mindy and Sandi looked up. To Mindy's horror, her mother had entered the Schuyler Square Country Club bar and was pulling Mavis along with her. Tiffany trailed behind followed by Tyler's brother's girlfriend, Claudine. "We came to celebrate your wedding, Mindy!"

"Who are they?" Sandi asked, looking as horrified as Mindy felt.

"Tyler's family. Why would Mom invite them to join us?"

"Who knows with Mom? She probably ran into them in the parking lot and thought 'why not?' You know how Mom is."

"But I just broke up with Tyler--Mavis isn't going to want to be here celebrating my wedding to another man."

"Mindy! I'm delighted for you--absolutely delighted!" Mavis rushed the bar and enveloped Mindy in a huge hug. "I'm so happy that you're going to marry Bernard--he's a little old for you but I'm sure living with him will age you fairly quickly."

"Mavis--I'm sorry about Tyler--is he all right?" Mindy asked. "I didn't mean to hurt him but I knew that I couldn't marry him--"

Mavis brushed Mindy's question aside. Before she could respond, Claudine spoke up. "Tyler will be just fine. You two were never right for each other anyway."

"Champagne for everyone!" Betsy announced. "Isn't this fun? I knew we needed a few more warm bodies to help send you off into wedded bliss." Betsy sat down next to Mindy. "Now for entertainment. I think we might be able to snag one of the less popular Osmond's. One of the older ones or maybe Jimmy."

"I am NOT going to have Jimmy Osmond perform at my reception!"

Betsy looked at her quizzically. "Well, we can't afford David Cassidy and I don't think Shaun does weddings."

"I need a drink," Mindy announced, "and it had better be stronger than champagne!"