Let's Make a Deal

"Rex, I think you're perfectly well aware of why I asked to see you today." Mavis Schuyler looked at her niece's boyfriend, disdain on her patrician, surgically enhanced features.

Rex winked at Mavis. "I never took you for the cougar type but, yeah, I can see it now that we're alone together for once."

Mavis cringed. "What are you talking about?"

"You aren't too bad looking for an older broad. I know you chicks over forty dig us young guys but you should know that I'm totally smitten with your niece--although that doesn't mean I wouldn't consider the idea. I'm open to all kinds of experiences."

Mavis narrowed her eyes until they were twin slits of Midnight Blue Eyeliner. "Please do not further revolt me, Rex, by continuing to speak. I am not a 'cougar' but if I ever did decide to venture down that particular path, I assure you that you're the least likely candidate for my affections in the entire universe after Sasquatch but it would be a very close race."

Rex frowned. "Whatever. I'm just saying that you know where to find me and Tiffany would be none the wiser. I can be real discreet."

"Don't hold your breath," Mavis suggested. "Now what I want to talk about is your upcoming marriage to Tiffany. You should know that while Tiffany is going to inherit some money on her eighteenth birthday, she won't come into the bulk of it until she's thirty."

"What? Tiffany never told me that!"

"Probably because Tiffany never listens whenever I attempt to discuss finances with her. You should also know that I have complete control of Tiffany's finances until her thirtieth birthday."

"So what are we supposed to do while waiting for the rest of her bucks?"

"Might I suggest finding a job?"

"If I wanted to work, I'd marry someone poor like me."

"I take it you don't want to work?"

"Who does? That pretty much sucks, Mavis. Can't you fix things so Tif can get her hands on her money right now? Her mom left it to her, didn't she?"

"Yes, Tiffany's mother left her money to Tiffany, not to any gold-digging creep who might come along."

"Are you saying that you think I'm a gold-digging creep?" Rex demanded.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Mavis said sweetly. She held up her hand. "Shhh. I heard the front door. That will be Tiffany. Not a word about this conversation, Rex."

"What conversation? You did all the talking and I did all the listening."

"And you did it surprisingly well. Now if you continue to listen to me, I'll make it worth your trouble."

"Aunt Mavis? Where are you?" Tiffany's voice floated down the hallway.

"I'll give you five thousand dollars to disappear from Tiffany's life for good."

Rex considered the offer for less than two seconds before holding out his hand. "Make it ten and we've got a deal, Aunt Mavis."