Rex Gets His Instructions

In spite of what Mavis Schuyler thought, Rex knew that he was no dummy. Mavis had to want more for ten big ones than just having him vacate her niece's life. She was going to expect some kind of favor. But what? He looked at the older woman as they waited for Tiffany to make her grand entrance into the living room. Really, Mavis wasn't all that bad. Maybe a little on the beat up side but he'd seen worse. Rex didn't believe that she wasn't interested in him. That had to be the other thing she wanted from him. A little roll in the hay, a quick ten grand for him and they'd be even.

"Rex!" Tiffany came into the room. "I didn't know you were here."

"Aunt Mavis and I were discussing--"

"Your wedding," Mavis interrupted. "I was telling Rex that I think you should have a real event. You only get married once, darling."

"Well, we'd better have it soon," Tiffany responded. "Since I stopped using Fat Off I've gained 15 pounds. I'm not going to fit into my wedding dress pretty soon."

"It's better to be a little heavy than sick," Mavis told her. "You were a very foolish girl to steal that spray from my desk and use it. You had to know that it hadn't been approved by the FDA yet."

"So? I was a size four! Who cares if it was approved?"

"Now, Tiffany, I think you look great no matter what you weigh," Rex said. Mavis shot him a dirty look. For a second Rex was confused but then he figured out what Mavis wanted him to do. She wanted him to start treating Tiffany like crap right away, so their break up wouldn't come as such a shock. Well, Rex didn't work that way. In spite of his many, many flaws he couldn't be mean to Tiffany. The poor kid had been pretty good to him over the past few months. It was going to just about kill her when he dumped her.

"I know," Tiffany said, joining Rex on the couch. "That's what I love about you, Rexie."

"Tiffany, go get me a diet soda," Mavis ordered. "I'm positively parched."

"Can't the maid do that?"

"She's at the farmer's market. Run along, dear. My lips are cracking."

"Oh, all right but do I need to remind you that I just got out of the hospital? I really shouldn't be doing anything too hard."

"Getting a diet soda out of the refrigerator and putting it into a glass is hardly strenuous."

Glaring at her aunt, Tiffany stomped out of the living room. Rex waited until her footsteps faded away. "What did you get rid of her for?"

"Because I wanted to tell you that if you want me to pay you, I expect you to start ending your relationship with my niece immediately. Don't string her along."

"I know what I'm doing."

"I highly doubt that."

"Look, Aunt Mavis, let me handle this my own way. I'm not going to cut Tiffany off cold. I'm going to let her down easy. Now tell me the truth," Rex added, "what else do you want for that ten grand? An afternoon at the Leaning Pine Motel? You won't regret it."

Mavis blanched. "Hardly. But there is something else I'll expect of you."

"Like what?"

"I want you to take care of Claudine."

"Who?"

"Brad's girlfriend. You know--that vulgar guest who refuses to leave. I know you've met her, Rex. Search your memory bank and see what you come up with. She's plain, wears Birkenstock sandals, never shaves her legs--"

"Oh, right. The throwback to 1972. What am I supposed to do? Whack her?"

Mavis considered the question. "I don't think so. I'd much rather you wooed her."