My Metabolism is So Out of Whack

"This sucks!" Tiffany glared at her aunt from her bed. "Why can't I be at Rex's apartment? Or my dad's apartment?"

"Which dad would that be, Tiffany? Your biological father or the man who thought he was your biological father?"

"Either would be better than being here with you," Tiffany said. "You're a nurse like that one in that old movie--Nurse Rachet."

"Now Tiffany," Mavis said, hurt by both the accusation and her niece's obvious lack of appreciation for the bowl of soup that Mavis had just brought her, "that isn't very nice. The doctors agreed that you need to be in a quiet, stable place--"

"So why am I here?" Tiffany rudely interrupted. "Schuyler Manor is quiet but it's about as stable as the stock market."

"You are here because I am your aunt and I volunteered to take care of you. Once you are well enough to leave, I assure you that I won't hold you back. Might I add that a 'thank you' on your part might be in order."

"Thank you for what? For leaving that can of Fat Off lying around so I could find it and start using it? For getting my hopes up that I'll finally be skinny for once in my life? For ruining my metabolism? That's what Fat Off did, you know. The doctor said my metabolism is so out of whack that it's going to take years for me to be normal again."

"Well, who asked you to steal it out of my desk?" Mavis asked. "No one held a gun to your head and forced you to start squirting Fat Off into the air. You've brought this on yourself, my dear, and you have no one else to blame but yourself."

Tiffany glared at her aunt. "Now I won't be able to fit into the wedding dress I bought. Maybe I won't even get to wear it--Rex might not want to marry me if I gain weight!"

"You should be so lucky," Mavis muttered.

"What?"

"I said that's nonsense. Of course Rex will want to marry you. He's obviously head over heels in love with you. You're undoubtedly the best thing that's ever happened to him."

The angry look on Tiffany's face faded slightly. "Do you really think so, Aunt Mavis?"

"I know so. Now eat your soup before it gets cold."

A knock on the door interrupted them and Rex poked his head into the bedroom. "Hey, Tiffany! Hey, Aunt Mavis! OK if I come in?"

Mavis cringed. Rex spoke to her far too familiarly. She'd have to do something about that. "Hello, Rex," she said coldly.

"Rex! Where have you been? I've missed you so much!"

"Back at you, babe." Rex eyed Mavis nervously. "Do you mind, Aunt Mavis? Tiff and I need to chat."

"Of course I don't mind," Mavis responded, quickly leaving the room, "but don't stay too long. Tiffany needs her rest."

Once in the hallway, Mavis paused outside the door. She was sure that Rex was about to dump her niece and although she knew that would be painful for Tiffany, she also knew that it was the best possible thing that could happen. Tiffany, in spite of her irritating teenage personality, could do much better than Rex.

"Baby, I was so worried about you," Mavis heard Rex say.

"Why didn't you come to see me sooner?" Tiffany demanded.

"That rat aunt of yours wouldn't let me in. Didn't she tell you?"

"No, she did not! Oh, Rexie, I've missed you too. I'm sorry about getting sick. I'm probably going to put on some weight too--the doctors don't know what's going to happen to me now."

"I don't care about that--I only care about you. Listen, let's get married as soon as we can. Forget the big wedding--let's get married on your eighteenth birthday!"

Mavis almost pitched forward in the hallway. That moron still wanted to marry her niece? What was wrong with him?

"Oh, yes, Rexie! Let's do that! My inheritance will come through then and we can go to Vegas, just like we planned."

Tiptoeing down the hallway, Mavis smiled to herself grimly. Of course. Tiffany's inheritance from Lynnette. Rex probably couldn't wait to get his grease-stained hands on that money. Well, that wasn't going to happen. Lynnette had been a Schuyler and her money shouldn't go to a little punk like Rex. Mavis was going to make sure that never happened.