Everybody Has a Mother!

"Your mother? I didn't know you had a mother." Bernard looked at his fiancee, Mindy, quizzically as if she'd been hiding something from him.

"Everybody has a mother, Bernard," Mindy told him. "Did you think that I was found under a toadstool or maybe wrapped in a package at Walmart?"

"I suppose I never thought about it," Bernard mused. "To tell you the truth, I don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about anybody other than myself. You might have noticed that."

"It was pretty hard to miss," Mindy said. "If you're so self-centered, why do you want to marry me?"

"Why not? You're pretty, smart and I need a wife. Plus you won't sleep with me if I don't marry you."

"Marriage seems pretty extreme just to sleep with me," Mindy warned.

Bernard shrugged. "It's time for me to settle down and I want smart, attractive children. I think you can produce a couple of those for me."

Mindy suddenly felt like a prize cow at the state fair but she brushed the sensation aside. Bernard might be marrying her for her genetics but she was marrying him for his bank account. It seemed like a fair trade to her. "Now about my mother. She's something of a clean freak so we're going to have to make sure your house is spotless before she visits."

"Why should my house be spotless? Won't she be staying with you?"

"Yes but Mom likes every place she visits to be spotless. She gets a little freaky about it."

Bernard raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Anything else I should know about my future mother-in-law?"

"Let's see...well, she's a bit of a kleptomaniac so don't leave anything really nice lying around. She picks up things like paperweights, knickknacks and anything else she can fit in her purse and takes them home with her. She's also kind of a hoarder."

"Mindy, I'm being to wonder if you might not have less sterling genes than I imagined."

"She's not that bad," Mindy insisted, "she's just odd. Oh, and then there's Sandi."

"Who is Sandi?"

"My sister. We aren't close. I doubt Mom will bring her."

"When is this visit going to take place?"

"Before we get married. I think my mom wants to check you out."

"Perhaps we should elope and beat her to the punch. She might not approve of me."

Mindy studied her current boss/fiance and saw an incredibly good looking man that any woman would undoubtedly approve of. "Don't worry. She'll approve. And when she's here, just remember to be grateful that she lives four hours away."

"I already am," Bernard assured her.