Proletariat Trollop?

In Schuyler Square, the path to true love is seldom smooth. Case in point: Tyler Schuyler. Tyler’s heart was broken when his fiancée, Mindy Cooper, dropped him for her rich, handsome boss. Since Tyler is also rich and handsome, he can’t quite figure out why Mindy preferred a Warren Beatty lookalike over him. Still recuperating from love gone wrong, Tyler is doing his best to avoid his brother’s girlfriend, the strange Claudine. Although Claudine arrived in Scuyler Square claiming to prefer the simple life over the trappings of the wealthy, her attitude has done a complete reversal and now she seems interested in pursuing two things: a really great pedicure and Tyler.

“Seriously, Claudine, you need to leave me alone.” Tyler looked at his brother’s girlfriend with annoyance. While he didn’t dislike Claudine, he definitely wasn’t crazy about the way she followed him around all the time, like a puppy on the trail of a freshly roasted sausage.

Claudine smiled at him through half closed eyes. Eyes that wore more makeup than a Vogue cover girl and that were nothing remotely like the naked eyelids Claudine had arrived in Schuyler Square with. “I don’t mean to annoy you, Tyler. I’m merely trying to get to know you better. After all, your brother and I might get married some day. That means we’ll be related.”

Removing Claudine’s hand from his knee, Tyler grimaced. “Yeah, you’ll be my sister-in-law if that ever happens. No offense, but I’m really not interested in getting to know you in any way else. If you’re engaged to Brad, why are you always coming on to me?”

“Because I find you wildly exciting,” Claudine purred. “Plus, I think you have more of a future than Brad.”

“What are you talking about? Brad’s running Schuyler Industries now. He’s the one with the future.”

Claudine shook her head. “Brad’s running Schuyler Industries into the ground.  You’re the one who should be at the helm. You’re the one with talent.”

In spite of himself, Tyler felt a flush of gratitude toward Claudine. It was about time that someone noticed that he wasn’t the loser little brother in the Schuyler family. He sure hadn’t heard anything like that from Mindy. “I don’t know about that,” he said modestly.

“I do,” Claudine assured him. “As a matter of fact, I—“

“Hey, guys, what’s happening?” Brad entered the family room, a goofy smile on his face.

Tyler looked at his big brother with a mixture of relief and irritation. While he didn’t really like Claudine, it was pretty nice to hear her tell him how great he was. On the other hand, Tyler knew he wasn’t up to starting anything with Claudine. The last thing he needed was another mess and getting involved with his brother’s girlfriend had mess written all over it.

“Not much,” Tyler replied. “I was just leaving.”

“You don’t have to go,” Brad told him. “As a matter of fact, I’d like you to record this.”

“Record what?”

“This.” Dramatically Brad dropped to one knee in front of Claudine. “Get your phone,” He ordered Tyler. “This is going on YouTube.”

“What is?”

Brad pulled a small velvet box out of his hip pocket and slowly brought it up in front of Claudine’s astonished face. “Are you ready?” he asked Tyler.

Obediently, Tyler found his phone and began recording the bizarre scene that was unfolding in front of him.

“Claudine, you are my day and my night,” Brad said solemnly. “You are my reason for living, the cinnamon on my oatmeal, the angel on my Christmas tree. Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Bradley Schuyler?”

The cinnamon on my oatmeal? Tyler almost began to laugh but the desire withered away as he realized what was happening. Oh my gosh, she’s going to say yes! How can she marry Brad after coming on to me two minutes ago?

Pretty easily, apparently. Taking the box out of Brad’s upturned palm, Claudine opened it, a gasp of delight escaping as she gazed at the enormous diamond nestled inside. “Oh, Brad! It’s huge!”

“Five carats,” Brad replied. “I know you’ve always looked down on crass materialistic items like diamonds but…”

“Not when they’re a symbol of true love,” Claudine assured him as she jammed the ring onto her ring finger.

“Is that a yes?”

“How could I say no? I’m going to be your wife and have the best brother-in-law in the world!”  Claudine threw her arms around Brad.

“Brad, what are you doing?” Brad and Tyler’s mother barged into the room, her eyes on fire. “You stole that ring from my safe! It belonged to my mother and there’s no way you’re giving it to that proletariat trollop!”

Claudine smiled up at her future mother-in-law sweetly. "Too late, Mavis. He already has."

Schuyler Square Day 64 Girl Talk

"He left you. Peter really left you for her?" Veronica sat at Chelsea's kitchen table and wondered what the hell was wrong with her hometown. First Ron died and now Peter had left Chelsea for that horrible Mavis Schuyler. Veronica was starting to feel like no one in Schuyler Square was happy--herself included. Well, Mavis Schuyler was probably pretty happy. Not only did she have her Boy Toy in residence but she'd also be getting a hefty check from Ron's life insurance company any day now.

Chelsea nodded, her eyes red rimmed and her nose raw from blowing it every three seconds. She ate a chocolate chip cookie before answering, her tenth cookie in ten minutes.  "I still can't believe it!" she said thickly through a mouth full of chocolate chips, sugar and nuts, "I thought he loved me! I thought we had a good marriage--how could he ever choose someone like Mavis Schuyler over me?"

The answer was obvious but Veronica knew it would be cruel to point out that Mavis could offer Peter things like money, cars, panache and excellent table manners while all poor Chelsea had to offer were home-baked goods. "You need to do two things," she told her next-door neighbor firmly. "Get a good lawyer and start circulating." She was going to add "and start a diet" to the list but she didn't want to be too overwhelming.

"I already have a lawyer," Chelsea replied. "My brother Benny does something that's kind of like being a lawyer and he's going to represent me."

"What do you mean 'kind of like' being a lawyer? Either you are or you aren't."

"Not necessarily. Benny runs a business where he'll fill out legal forms for you for a very modest fee. He's going to save me a bundle."

Veronica tried not to whack Chelsea on the top of her head with her coffee mug. Honestly, some people went through life just begging to be skewered by everyone else. "Chelsea, don't you think you should get a real lawyer? I mean, Peter's going to have all of the Schuyler Corporation's legal minds giving him a hand. I don't want to see you end up with nothing."

"Peter wouldn't do that to me," Chelsea said stubbornly.

This poor woman. This poor, dumb, hopeless, clueless fool. "You never thought he'd cheat on you either," Veronica pointed out.

Chelsea's eyes narrowed. "It was all her fault," she spat out. "That woman turned my Peter's head! He never would have looked at her if she hadn't worked her voodoo on him."

Clearly they weren't getting anywhere. "Okay. Let's move on to Point Number Two: circulate. The best thing you can do is go out there and find a replacement for Peter as soon as you can. There are good men in the world, Chelsea. I'm sure there are even one or two in Schuyler Square. The very best remedy for a broken heart is to mend it with someone who will be nice to you."

"I don't want to date."

"Then hit the singles bars. Join a book club. Take up canoeing or photography or anything that will get you out among the living again. I know what I'm talking about, Chelsea. I've been dumped too and the only thing that saved me was a very full social life. It won't help you to sit around and brood."

Chelsea's cell phone played the theme from The Waltons. Veronica prayed that Mavis never heard that ringtone. The woman had enough ammunition as it was. "Hello? Yes, this is Chelsea Van Husen...what? You're sure? All right. I will. Thank you for calling." Chelsea set down her phone and looked across the kitchen table at Veronica. "That was the clinic." Her voice was numb.

Oh, no. More bad news? Veronica didn't think Chelsea could take it. She didn't think she could take it either. "What did they say?"

"I'm pregnant." Chelsea's red rimmed eyes began to shine. "It's a miracle, Veronica! Now Peter has to come back to me!" But Chelsea's smile was short lived. "There's one tiny problem," she added as she reached for yet another cookie.

One tiny problem? Veronica could spot at least half a dozen big hulking major problems from where she was sitting, the first one being that Chelsea's husband walked out on her for someone else. "What?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure if Peter's the father."