There is Something Seriously Wrong With Mom

"There is something seriously wrong with Mom," Tyler Schuyler told his older brother Brad. The two brothers were seated in the library at Schuyler Manor, watching television and being as unproductive as possible, two activities they both excelled at.

"What are you talking about? She's just the same as she always is," Brad said in a bored voice as he channel surfed. "How come no one shows reruns of 'The Dukes of Hazzard' when I can watch them? They always put them on when I'm not home."

"She is not the same as she always is," Tyler argued. "She's acting weird."

"She's always weird."

"Well, she's weirder. Have you looked at her lately?"

"Not really."

"You should. She's dressing like she's Tiffany's age in tight shirts and skirts that are way too short and her hair's all strange and straight and she told me yesterday that she's thinking about getting a tattoo."

"No kidding! Mom, a tattoo? Of what?"

"Of Cher."

"Why the hell would she get a tattoo of Cher?"

"Because she's decided that she looks like Cher and that if she has a tattoo of Cher on her shoulder, people will comment on the resemblance between the two of them."

Brad laughed. "You're right; that is weird even for Mom. Well, so what? She's entitled to have a little fun at her age."

"And then there's this." Tyler pulled a book out from under the sofa where he'd hidden it earlier that day. "I found it on her nightstand." Waving it it under Brad's nose, he asked, "Why would she be reading this?"

"If you'd stop waving it back and forth maybe I could read the title," Brad said. "What is it?"

"Cougar Lifestyles for Dummies," Tyler said. "Don't you see what's happening right under our noses? Mom is turning into a cougar!"

"Mom? Don't be ridiculous. Mom has way too much class too do anything like that. She'd never become a cougar--she'd look like an idiot if she showed up at the country club with a younger guy."

"Remember that police officer she moved in here last year?" Tyler questioned. "He was younger than Mom."

"That was just some strange pre-menopausal fling," Brad told him.

"Then what about this?" Tyler reached under the sofa again and pulled out his mother's cell phone. "Mom been texting some guy named Chuck. Or should I say she's been sexting him. Some of her messages are pretty embarrassing."

"You stole Mom's cell phone and read her texts? I think you're the one with the problem, Tyler. Ever since you broke up with Mindy, you've gotten definitely strange. What do you care who Mom dates or doesn't date? You need to get out more."

Tyler played his best card. "I'm just thinking about our inheritance," he said darkly. "If Mom did get remarried, her new husband might go through all the money that we're supposed to inherit especially if he's a lot younger than she is and outlives her."

"No one could go through that much money," Brad argued.

"They could try."

At last he had his brother's full attention. "So what can we do about it?" Brad questioned.

"Simple," Tyler replied,. "We have to find a suitable date for our mother ourselves. And I know exactly just the right guy--that is, unless you want Mom to get Cher on one shoulder and Sonny on the other."

"Of course I don't! Let's get started. After all, we're only thinking of Mom."

"Naturally," Tyler agreed.

Schuyler Square Day 102 Chelsea Wants Peter Back

Chelsea Van Husen had had enough! She was thoroughly sick and tired of Peter ignoring her and acting like she'd somehow gotten pregnant by herself. She was also tired of having her husband live with another woman while she sat in their home and tried to figure out things like what she was supposed to do when the dishwasher started making a funny noise or how to get rid of the mailman when he got a little too flirty. It was all too much. Too too much.

Chelsea made herself another tomato sandwich and poured a fourth glass of chocolate milk to go with it. She was eating for two, after all. She might as well enjoy it because there didn't seem to be much else that she was enjoying in her life at the moment.

A flutter occurred somewhere in her stomach and Chelsea suddenly stopped chewing. The baby! It was the first time she'd felt him or her move!

Oh my gosh--this is really happening to me!


Chelsea touched her slightly bulging stomach and waited for the butterfly kick again. There! It happened once more and her eyes filled with tears. There was a baby inside her, a baby who was going to be born and have everything a child should have, like a happy home, good, nutritious food and loving parents.

The smile slowly faded from her face. How was she going to make that happen, given the dismal state of her marriage? Peter had made it quite plain that he was about as interested in getting back together with her as Cher might be in getting back with Gregg Allman. Darn that Mavis Schuyler anyway. This was all her fault.

Chelsea waited a few more seconds to see if the baby moved again but when nothing happened she picked up her tomato sandwich and took a large bite. Clearly she needed to do something but what that something might be was beyond her.

As she ate she thought about the seance she'd attended the other night. Steve and Dee Dee were so cute together. She'd love to have a relationship like the two of them shared. If Peter would just come to his senses she'd forgive him for leaving her. She'd even pretend it never happened. Not many women would be so understanding. Chelsea wondered if Peter realized just how generous she was being.

She also wondered if he realized just how pregnant she was getting. They hadn't seen each other in weeks, not since before she started showing. Maybe she'd go over to Schuyler Manor and see her estranged husband. It wasn't like she didn't have a right to see him. She was still his wife.

"I know!" Chelsea sat upright in her chair. Her dog, Freckles, leaped to his feet. "I know, Freckles! I'll go over and tell Peter what happened at the seance--about how the Ouija board said that someone living at Schuyler Manor killed Mary Austin! Is that the perfect excuse to see my husband or what?"

Freckles looked disappointed that Chelsea wasn't offering him part of her sandwich and sank to the floor. Chelsea smiled fondly at the dog, feeling much better. All Peter needed was to see her again, to see how their child was growing inside of her. All Peter needed was to give their marriage a second chance and Chelsea was more than willing to help him see that. Her mood vastly improved, Chelsea got to her feet and went to the cupboard to find something for dessert.