It's Not What I Want, Baby, It's What Do You Need?

In Schuyler Square, Rex has decided to follow his girlfriend Tiffany's advice and make a play for Claudine, Tiffany's cousin's significant other. While Rex knows that hitting on another man's girlfriend isn't exactly admirable, the $10,000 that Brad's mother is offering him to break up Claudine and Brad has stifled any qualms that Rex might be having. After all, all's fair in love and war...especially when money is involved.

"So, Claudine, what's a good looking gal like you see in a dorkster like Brad Schuyler?" Rex flexed his muscles, glad that he'd worn his best sleeveless T-shirt, a bright purple number that made him look extra extra hot, if that was possible. It always made sense to show a little bit of the merchandise when you were trying to sell something.

"That, Rex, is an excellent question and one I ask myself nightly," Claudine replied. "I suppose I see in Brad the same thing you see in his insipid cousin--money."

Rex frowned. He wasn't sure but he thought Claudine had just slammed both him and Tiffany. "Uh...right. So why don't you dump him and go out with me? I could show you a good time."

Claudine stared at him, her heavy eyebrows forming a straight line across her forehead. "Why would I want to do that? You don't have any money."

"Not yet but I will once I marry Tiffany."

"And I will once I marry one of the Schuyler brothers."

"So what's that supposed to mean? You're into Tyler too?" Man, this chick was not to be believed. Brad was bad enough but Tyler was ridiculous.

"I like Brad but I've fallen in love with Tyler," Claudine announced. "Having stayed with the Schuyler family all summer, I've come to realize that I enjoy their bourgeois existence very much. As a matter of fact, I'd like to be a part of their bourgeois existence. However, I want to be Mrs. Tyler Schuyler, not Mrs. Brad Schuyler."

"Huh," Rex replied. He wondered how old lady Mavis was going to take that news. She wanted him to break up Claudine and Brad but she hadn't said a word about breaking up Claudine and Tyler. Maybe he could squeeze another ten g out of her once Claudine got her hooks into Tyler. "So how's that going?"

"Have you ever noticed how many sentences you start with the word 'so'?"

"Not really."

"Well, you should. Now Rex, what do you want? I'm meeting Tyler at the mall and we're going shopping for a wedding present for you and that butterball you're engaged to."

"Yeah? Look at coffeemakers, will you? I'd like one of those new ones where you put the little plastic thing in and make one cup at a time."

"I'll keep that in mind." Claudine waited. "Well? What do you want?"

It was now or never. Flexing his muscles again so that they sort of rippled underneath his tight T-shirt, Rex made his move. "It's not what I want, baby, it's what do you need?"

Claudine curled her lip at him. "Are you kidding me?"