Chunky Thighs and a Bad Attitude

Really? You’re the hotsy-totsy scientist and I have to tell you what to do? Really???

Mindy tried not to roll her eyes as she drove home after her dinner with Fritz. If she rolled them any more they would get permanently lodged in the back of her head and she’d drive off the road, killing herself. Then she’d never get to write her story about Kutrate Kemicals and win the Pulitzer Prize. But honestly! How could someone be as smart as Fritz and as utterly stupid at the same time?

Mindy reached the apartment she shared with Tyler and wearily climbed the steps. It had been a long day and all she wanted was a bubble bath before climbing into bed. She hoped Tyler wasn’t in a lovey-dovey mood because lovey-dovey was about the last thing she had on her mind.

As she put her key in the front door, Mindy heard voices coming from the other side. Oh, great—company? Who could Tyler be entertaining? Stepping inside, Mindy saw a pretty blonde sitting on the living room couch.

“Oh, hi, Mindy,” Tyler said when Mindy entered the apartment. “Look who’s here—Tiffany. She came over to tell us some big news.”

Mindy stared at Tyler’s cousin. Tiffany had always been on the hefty side—OK, she’d been enormous but the blonde teenager perched on the edge of their couch was positively svelte. “Oh, my gosh, Tiffany, what have you done to yourself? You look amazing!”

“I dropped a few pounds,” Tiffany said proudly while reaching for a dish of salted nuts that was on the coffee table. Within seconds she had polished off the entire dish.

“But how? I know dieting has always been a struggle for you. How’d you do it?”

“Will power,” Tiffany said smugly. “Do you have any pop? Those cashews made me thirsty.”

“We don’t have any diet soda,” Mindy replied.

“I never drink diet soda. All those chemicals are bad for you. I’ll take a regular pop.”

Tyler went into the kitchen to get the drinks and Mindy sat down next to Tiffany. There was no way that Tiffany could devour a pound of nuts and drink regular pop and still lose weight. Mindy narrowed her eyes. Tiffany must have gotten her formerly fat little hands on a can of Fat Off. “Tiffany,” she whispered, “I know how you lost weight. You found out about Fat Off, didn’t you?”

“You know about Fat Off? How come you don’t use it? Your thighs are looking a little chunky in those jeans.”

Mindy had forgotten how obnoxious teenagers could be. Especially Tyler’s cousin. “Have you been using Fat Off?”

Mindy pulled a giant-sized candy bar out of her purse and peeled off the wrapper. “You bet I have. And it works—I’m dropping weight like nobody’s business and I’m eating whatever I want. It’s the greatest diet in the world.”

A thought hit Mindy. “You know, I’m not sure if Fat Off has been proven safe yet.”

“So what? It works and I still get to eat. Who cares if it’s safe?”

Tiffany had a point but Mindy’s conscience wouldn’t allow her to butt out. “You should care. Suppose you get so skinny that you end up in the hospital?”

“Would you stop being such a worrywart? That’s not going to happen.”

“Well, what are you going to do when the spray runs out? I’m assuming that you stole it. How are you going to get another can?”

The candy bar stopped halfway to Tiffany’s mouth. “I’ll be really skinny by then. It won’t matter if the spray runs out.”

“How do you know you won’t start gaining all that weight back? Seriously, Tiffany, you need to see a doctor and tell him what you’ve done.”

“And you need to shut up and mind your own business. You’re just jealous because I’m getting married and you’re still single. I was going to ask you to be a bridesmaid but forget it! I don’t want a bridesmaid who has chunky thighs and a bad attitude.”

This conversation was going from bad to worse. “You’re getting married?”

Tiffany nodded. “Next week. Rex and I are having a lovely ceremony at the club and guess what? You aren’t invited.”

Tyler returned holding two glasses of soda. “Here we are, ladies. Mindy, did Tiffany tell you her big news?”

“She sure did.”

“Thanks, Tyler,” Tiffany said, draining her glass in ten seconds. “I have to go. A bride has a million things to do and I’ve also got a final in math tomorrow. I’ll see you at the wedding, Tyler. Please don’t bring your jealous, old maid, busybody girlfriend with you.” Tiffany stormed out of the apartment.

“What was that all about?” Tyler demanded. “She was happy until you talked to her.”

Mindy put her hands over her face. This was turning into a nightmare. Like it or not, she was going to have to scrap her plans for winning the Pulitzer and do something fast about Fat Off before that lamebrain Tiffany vanished into thin air.