“Tiffany, you’re really looking good.” Rex gazed at his
girlfriend Tiffany with newfound appreciation. He hadn’t minded when she was on
the chunky side but he liked how she’d been looking lately even more. After
spraying that awful Fat Off around his apartment a couple of times, Tiffany
seemed to have dropped at least ten pounds, maybe even twenty.
“I know I am,” Tiffany said proudly. “I bought the dress I’m
wearing to the prom and it’s a size 12. Can you believe it? I haven’t been a
size 12 since junior high!”
Rex didn’t know anything about dress sizes but it was nice
to see Tiffany so pumped up. “It’s that Fat Off spray, isn’t it? Cuz I know you
aren’t dieting—you ate a whole tub of buttered popcorn at the movies the other
night. Plus an extra large Coke.”
Tiffany shot him an annoyed look. “Since when are you
monitoring what I eat? You’re as bad as my Aunt Mavis.”
Rex shuddered. “No one is as bad as your Aunt Mavis and I
wasn’t monitoring. I was noticing. I think it’s great that you can eat anything
you want and still lose weight. What the chemist at Schuyler Enterprises say
about Fat Off?”
“I didn’t bring it to the chemist,” Tiffany replied. “I took
it to my science teacher, Mr. Harrison.”
“What did you do that for? I thought we were going to cut a
deal with your aunt’s company!” Rex didn’t know squat about business or cutting
deals but he was bright enough to figure out that it made a lot more sense for
them to go to an established business and try to sell stolen goods than to ask
a high school science teacher what he thought about the weight reducing spray.
What did Tiffany think they were in, an episode of Breaking Bad?
“Mr. Harrison is a chemical genius,” Tiffany said. “He
analyzed Fat Off and was able to figure out how to make it immediately.”
“So what? Now he can go to a big company and sell it to
them.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
Rex noticed that Tiffany was blushing. His radar went off,
the one that always told him when his meal ticket was about to be threatened. “So
how old is this Mr. Harrison?”
“I don’t know…in his twenties. Why?”
“I’m in my twenties.”
“I know that Rex. So what?”
“So I’m in my twenties and you’ve got a thing for me so
maybe you’ve got a thing for this science teacher dude too?”
“Don’t be silly.” Tiffany turned a deeper shade of red and
Rex knew that he was right. Just great. He finally found a rich girlfriend and
she was going to dump him for some science geek. No way was Rex going to let
that happen.
“Listen, babe, I’ve been thinking. We should really get
married soon. We know we’re nuts about each other and you’re looking so good
these days—just think how you’d look in a white wedding dress. We could elope
and then go to the Dells on our honeymoon.”
“I’m not eighteen yet. We can’t get married without my dad’s
permission and since I’m not totally sure who my dad is, that might be a
problem.”
“You have it narrowed down to Tom and that Vlad guy,” Rex
argued. “Get them both to give you permission to marry me.”
“Why are you in such a rush? It’s not like I’m going
anywhere.”
Rex drew a deep breath. “It’s just that I know I can’t live
without you, Tiffany. You’re my dream girl. Living without you would be a
nightmare.” Rex tried not to gag as he spoke. He really did like Tiffany but he
wasn’t used to giving such sentimental speeches and they made him kind of sick
to his stomach. But if it made Tiffany agree to marry him, it was worth it. Tiffany
was worth a pretty penny on her own. Toss in that weight loss spray and she’d
be worth gazillions. “So what do you say, Tif? Will you find out who your real
dad is so we can get married?”
He’d gotten to her. Rex could tell by the way Tiffany’s eyes
filled with tears. “You really want to marry me that much?”
“You bet I do.”
“OK. I’ll get my two dads together and we’ll figure out who
my real dad is once and for all.”
Rex relaxed a tiny bit. The sooner he could get Tiffany to
marry him, the sooner he’d have his lifetime meal ticket set in place.
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