Passion, Power, and Intrigue in An Enduring Family Drama

Monday, April 15, 2013

Some People Will Do Anything to Have Thin Thighs

When Tiffany woke up, she had a major league headache and she couldn't smell anything other than that awful dead skunk smell lingering from that tiny squirt of Fat Off. Tiffany rolled over in her bed, burying her nose in her sheet. Fat Off smelled so incredibly bad. How would Kutrate Kemicals ever be able to sell it? She got out of bed and pulled on her robe, pulling the sash around her waist tightly.

Tiffany stopped and tugged on the sash again. Was it her imagination or was there a lot of extra sash for her to tie that morning? Was it possible that Fat Off had worked that quickly? She ran into the bathroom and hopped on the scale, holding her breath as she waited for the digital numbers to appear. "Oh my gosh! I lost three pounds!"

She stepped off the scale and ran to the mirror? Did she look any thinner? Maybe a little. How great was that? Who cared that Fat Off smelled like something that should have been buried a long time ago? It worked! Thin thighs were finally in Tiffany's reach and she didn't care if she completely ruined her sense of smell in the process.

Tiffany went into the kitchen and fixed herself an enormous breakfast: bacon, eggs, waffles, toast, orange juice and three large sweet rolls. "I'm doing this to prove that Fat Off works," Tiffany told herself. "If I lose weight after eating a three thousand calorie breakfast, then anyone will be able to lose weight." Pleased with her dedication to science, Tiffany poured syrup over almost everything on her plate and then added several large pats of butter.

When she was done eating, she found the white can of Fat Off and hesitated for just a moment before spraying it in the air. Instantly she began to gag but forced herself to slowly breath in the skunky smelling air. To her surprise, it didn't smell quite so bad after a few minutes.

"What are you doing?" Rex came into the living room. "This is my apartment, Tiffany, and I don't appreciate waking up to it smelling like a garbage truck!"

"Sorry," Tiffany replied offhandedly. "I'm going back to my dad's place tonight so I'll take the Fat Off with me."

Rex waved a hand in front of his nose. "You really think your old man is going to like that smell any better than I do?"

"I don't care," Tiffany replied. "I'm going to be skinny and you're taking me to the prom and I'm going to look gorgeous!"

"I thought prom dates had to be under 21 to attend your prom," Rex reminded her. "I'm 30."

"Oh, who's going to ask? You're also my fiance so that means you can come with me. Don't rain on my parade, Rex. I lost three pounds overnight and I bet I lose a couple more today. Isn't this great?"

"Not really," Rex said, holding his nose. "I think I'd rather be fat than smell that crap. Can't Kutrate Kemicals make it smell better?"

"If it works, who cares?" Tiffany kissed Rex on the cheek. "I'm going to get dressed."

In the bedroom she discovered that her jeans were slightly loose. "I love Fat Off," Tiffany called to Rex. "It's going to change my life!"

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