Incognito in Joliet

Tiffany could hardly believe what she was seeing. There, right in front of her, was her dorky cousin Tyler but instead of the usual clothes he always wore—expensive stuff that looked like it was straight out of a 1960s movie on psychopaths attending prep schools—Tyler had on dirty jeans, a grey sweatshirt covered with paint splotches, a red bandana tied around his forehead and…this was the real shocker…he appeared to be sweating.

“Tyler, is that you?” Tiffany asked. They were at The Caffeine Fix, her favorite coffee shop and the only place in all of Schuyler Square that sold extra extra large lattes. “What’s the matter with you? You look terrible!”

“Oh, hello, Tiffany,” Tyler said, looking around as if he half expected to be arrested. “Could you please keep your voice down? They can probably hear you in Joliet.”

“Why should I keep my voice down?” Tiffany asked, speaking a little more softly. “Are you hiding from someone?”

“I’m traveling incognito,” Tyler replied.

“You’re traveling where?”

“Not where, you idiot. Incognito. It means in a disguise. Don’t you ever listen in school?”

“Not unless I absolutely have to. Why are you in a disguise? And why are you all sweaty? It’s really disgusting.”

Tyler looked at her smugly. “Working hard is not disgusting. As a matter of fact, I kind of like it.”

“Your mother would die if she ever heard you say that! Are you telling me that you have a real job somewhere? Who would hire you if they weren’t related to you?”

“Kutrate Kemicals would. I’m working in the factory.” Tyler smiled proudly.

Tiffany started to laugh. “What happened, did you lose a bet or something? Did Aunt Mavis disinherit you?”

“Of course not. I simply decided that the time had come for me to make something of myself.”

“Right. And Lindsey Lohan wants to be my new best friend. Come on, Tyler, what are you up to?”

“Not a thing. I just realized that I needed a change in venue. That means a change in scenery. Say—speaking of changes in scenery, what’s with that Vlad guy?”

Instantly, Tiffany froze. “What about him?”

“Well, I think Mother is interested in him. Isn’t he your real father?”

“We don’t know that for sure.” Honestly, Tyler had all the tact of a bull in a china shop. “Besides, what do you care? Aunt Mavis is going to date whomever she wants to. We all know that after her last fiasco with that married police guy.”

“Would you mind finding out if Vlad’s your real dad? I think there might be something wrong with Mother dating if her niece is related to him.”

“Oh, Tyler, you’re such a jerk! How could that possibly matter to Aunt Mavis?”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Because if Vlad is your dad, dummy, that means he was your mom’s lover. I can hardly think that Mother would want to date her own sister’s ex-boyfriend.”

Grabbing her extra extra large latte, Tiffany walked away from her cousin, not bothering to answer. Tyler might be older than she was but he sure wasn’t any smarter. Didn’t he realize that Aunt Mavis would date anyone as long as they were warm and breathing?